What is a Sex Therapist?
A sex therapist is a licensed professional who can help with sex-related issues' mental or emotional aspects. As a sex therapist, I thoroughly understand human sexuality and use psychotherapy (talk therapy) to help you work through sexual issues. I work with individuals and romantic/sexual partners. Expand the tabs below for more info.
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Sex therapy affirms the fundamental value of sexuality as an inherent, essential, and beneficial dimension of being human. Sex therapists use a non-pathologizing approach, emphasizing sexual freedom of thoughts, feelings, fantasies, and healthy modes of sexual activity. Sex therapy allows clients to consider (often for the first time) what their sexual experience has been like over their lifespan, what their sexual experience is currently like, and what priorities they have for sexual expression in the future.
Therapeutic goals are established by the client in areas of their sex life that cause them difficulty or dissatisfaction, whether that be through internal thought patterns or outward expression. These goals are often addressed in tandem with other therapeutic topics typical to counseling, such as a sexless marriage or relationship, conflict in the relationship, stress, sexual trauma, anxiety, or depression.
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Sex therapists can help treat many kinds of sexual dysfunction that have psychological causes or impacts. They can also help with life and relationship issues related to sex. Therapists do this in a supportive, nonjudgmental, inclusive, and safe environment.
It’s important to know that sex therapists don’t treat physical or medical conditions that affect sex, such as low testosterone. You may need to see a primary healthcare provider, gynecologist or urologist for any sexual function issues first to see if there are any underlying physical causes.
Sex therapists use an assortment of evidence-based treatments to help people improve their sex lives. They often use psychotherapy (commonly known as talk therapy), which involves building a talking relationship to establish and assess your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Types of psychotherapy for sex therapy may include:
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
Emotion-based therapy.
Mindfulness-based interventions.
Couples communication techniques.
Sex therapists prioritize confidentiality and maintaining your privacy. In fact, it’s a part of their professional code of ethics. Therapists who violate patient confidentiality risk losing their ability to practice therapy in the future.
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Sexual activity (including intercourse, outercourse, and masturbation) is a complex experience that involves emotional, mental, and physical components. If you want and desire sex, sexual function is essential to your quality of life. It’s associated with physical and psychological well-being and relationship satisfaction.
Healthcare providers and sex educators break the sexual activity down into four phases known as the sexual response cycle:
Desire (libido).
Arousal (excitement).
Orgasm.
Resolution.
Sexual issues can arise at any point during this cycle. Knowing how you respond mentally and physically during each phase can improve your sexual experience and help you pinpoint the causes of sexual dysfunction.
A sex therapist can help with the mental and emotional aspects of various forms of sexual dysfunction, including:
Lack of desire.
Lack of arousal.
Difficulty having an orgasm (anorgasmia).
Pain during sex (dyspareunia), such as from vaginismus.
Difficulty getting or keeping an erection (erectile dysfunction).
Premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or other ejaculation.
Sex therapists can also help you work through challenges such as:
Sexual trauma.
Sex education and correcting miseducation.
Feelings of anxiety, fear, or shame related to sex.
Issues related to gender identity and sexual orientation.
Issues around cultural, religious, and societal views of sex.
Improving communication about sex and intimacy between you and your partner(s).
Mismatched sexual desire between partners.
Relationship issues stemming from sexual difficulties.
Poor body image and its relation to sex.
Coping with and living with sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Hypersexual disorder (sex addiction).
Pornography addiction.
Unveiling the Complex Web of Sexual Stigma: An Inclusive Historical Perspective
By Charnéi Washington 08/11/2023
Sexuality, a core facet of human identity, has often been cloaked in shame and stigma, touching the lives of men, women, LGBTQIA+ individuals, and marginalized communities alike. Delving into history, we unveil the intricate threads that have woven this intricate tapestry, underscoring the pressing need for change.
Historically, men have also faced societal pressure and stigma surrounding their sexuality. Rooted in rigid gender norms, men were often burdened with expectations of virility and sexual prowess. Any deviation from these norms could lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame. This notion highlights that sexual stigma doesn't discriminate by gender; it impacts everyone in different ways.
The archaic belief that a woman's virtue defines her worth finds its roots in times when women were treated as commodities to be traded. This unsettling notion of attaching value to "virginity" lingers today, burdening women with shame for embracing their own sexual desires. Internal conflicts to explore sexual desires lead to high-risk behaviors, irresponsible exploration, and interpersonal shame and turmoil.
The LGBTQIA+ community's struggle against sexual stigma arises from a history where diverse sexual and gender identities were classified as mental health disorders. Lingering religious perspectives cast non-cishet sexuality as deviant, fueling a culture of shame within these identities. Even in secular spheres, damaging narratives persist, exemplified by the reprehensible practice of conversion therapy.
In a rapidly evolving world, those distancing themselves from traditional frameworks grapple with the echoes of historical perspectives. Mainstream media and culture perpetuate these destructive ideals, making it an uphill battle to unlearn deeply rooted shame.
Adding complexity to the narrative is the historical use of sex as a tool for power and control. Black individuals, who endured slavery and its aftermath, were robbed of sexual agency and burdened with degrading stereotypes. This grim history reverberates today, leaving the Black community to confront the shame inflicted by sexual abuse as a means of asserting dominance.
The toxic interplay between societal expectations and personal desires is palpable in today's landscape. Individuals often find themselves ensnared in a cycle of shame as societal norms clash with personal experiences and choices, further fueling the flames of sexual stigma.
Dr. Sara C. Flowers, a respected voice from the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, underscores the multifaceted nature of sexual stigma. Extending beyond sexual activity, it seeps into areas such as body image, gender identity, and sexual orientation. This far-reaching stigma draws its strength from cultural influences, upbringing, experiences, and narratives absorbed from others.
In short, the historical origins of sexual stigma run deep, leaving an enduring mark on societal perceptions of sexuality. Recognizing these origins is pivotal in dismantling these harmful constructs and fostering a culture of acceptance and inclusivity in all expressions of human sexuality, irrespective of gender.
How Shame Affects Mental Health
Each of us lives in one body, which comprises many interconnected parts, including our feelings and mental health. Our feelings can have a significant impact on how we experience events and how we learn and process information. This can also hold true for our sexuality. Researchers found that over the last 18 years, sexual activity and sexual partners have decreased for adults. The researchers cited several hypotheses, including the overall increase in depression and anxiety as potential links to this drop.
Though the research doesn’t address whether feelings of shame had any connection to the drop in sexual activity, the results indicate that negative feelings may negatively impact our sex life. When we feel physically and emotionally safe, we may be more free to try new things, more open to new experiences, and more willing to share some vulnerable parts of ourselves. This can include exploring pleasure, gender identity, and sexual orientation.
Shame can also lead to avoiding the healthcare that you may need. Folks who experience shame and guilt around sex and sexuality may be less likely to get sexual and reproductive health care services or feel comfortable in their bodies and identities.
How Can I help?
Shame is a common feeling, but it’s possible to engage with your sexuality in a way that feels good to you. Because shame and self-stigma can be so prevalent, it can feel daunting to embark on a journey to mitigate those feelings. That is where I come in. Together we can endure this journey (in a non-sexual contact kind of way). We would begin by understanding where shame derives you from your true sexual self, destigmatize your ideas of sexual expression, set goals, and explore ways to show up for your sexual self most authentically.
